Relations... and more complicated stuff.

My love life.
It's. A. Total. Mess.
I'm as alone as this tree here!
I even feel sorry for myself, at this point. I'm totally stuck on this thing. By the way, did you see that movie?
Stuck in love.
Where the lead character -the father- is divorced from his wife, like 500 years ago; but he's completely obsessed with her. He stalks her at her house; he sets her place in the table, all the thanksgivings, even though she will never appear; and tells his children that he's still waiting for her. HE'S TOTALLY STUCK.
Well, I'm in the same situation. But mine is even more pathetic, because this woman was his wife; me and this person are the sweetest nothing in the entire world!
We were friends -like 500 years ago-, and now we are miles away from each other. But I can't forget that I fell in love. Just as that song: I can't remember to forget you.
Just as bad as it sounds. I'm drowning.
The thing is that this person is always messing around with all the relations that I "could have". There's always that voice in my head saying: but if you wait a little bit more, maybe, it could happen. And you don't want to be committed with anyone if that happens!

It's insane.
Because I know that it will never -ever- happen.

Like today. I reunited with an old friend, it was amazing. I felt something. That kind of something that could be a big thing. Like a kiss or a french kiss... you know what I mean.
The thing is that, in the whole day, I didn't remember about that person (my wonderwall). I was totally free of that shadow, and I felt so complete with this old friend that I had a lot time without seeing. It was totally perfect.
But at the same moment I said "farewell" and took the bus back home... it hit me.
I, literally, saw this person in my head. This person that I'm totally infatuated with. That person that keeps me in an eternal maybe.

Maybe it could happen.
Maybe you will be received.
Maybe you will hear what you want to hear.
Maybe we could be together.
Maybe there was just a terrible misunderstanding.
Maybe this person is just as shy as you.
Maybe you just need to try harder.
Maybe... Maybe... Maybe...

And that's how all my possible relations get stuck.
I talk with this person once in a while, and I don't feel that it could be anything. I don't feel that anything could be possible. I just feel sorry for myself, because I can't get over it. I'm stuck.
Today was awesome. The best day in many terrible days coming together, lately. In my love life.
I feel that, if I have the opportunity to live another afternoon like this, there will be a kiss. There will be the beginning of a relation... but I'm afraid for how long.

If I needed to take a resolution about this, I think that the only thing to do is having a talk -face to face- with my wonderwall. And finish whatever maybe it could be or never existed.
But I have to confess... I'm afraid. I totally know that it is love. One-sided-love, but love; anyway. And, when we're talking about heart's matters, there will be some kind of pain. Always.

I will try to fix this up. I will try not to be as this man from the movie... or maybe to be like him?
I don't want to give you spoilers, so you have to see the end of the movie.

See you later,
Jhonny.

Hungry for life.

What's up with me now?
The last time I wrote something, it was february 19...
SHAME ON ME!
So, here I am; to put my face in the spotlight and promise not to leave this blog alone anymore.
Bringing the last post to the light, I said that I was going to try a schedule... to live.
I did. It worked... for some weeks.
I realized that I totally suck for schedules.
But don't be disappointed, yet. I failed at the schedule challenge, but I kept the will to use my time properly.
I don't have a schedule to live, but now I'm making me sure that I'll do something everyday. Like "productive" things.
With this new challenge I put together a lot of things.
I wrote three scripts. Not feature film scripts, but I'm really pleased with my shortfilms. I don't know when I'm gonna find a producer for them, but I have them. Complete. And that's an achieved goal.
I read "The adventures of Tom Sawyer". Book that I loved, with my entire soul!
I'm not gonna make a review of it, because -maybe- that's and idea for another blog; but I recommend you to read it. LIKE NOW!
I reorganized my room; that was uneasy to live in, because of the desk. Actually, I got a desk!
I didn't have one before, so every time I took Noah (my computer) to write; it was on my bed. Something more than uncomfortable. Finally, I got a desk -that's actually a breakfast table, but it's something- and placed it in my room.
Before that, it was just my bed, a nighstand, my bookshlef, my wardrobe and the laundry basket. So, for you to have a picture, in my tiny room that was sure enough to have all the place totally filled. Like "one more needle, and this will make a nuclear explosion".
But I put the desk in, by taking off the nightstand. It worked... but it was a mess. I could hardly sit at the desk, and it was even worse trying to go out. So I, taking advantage of my new challenge, reorganized my room; and now I can live in it. As a decent human being.
I keep writting my book, and re-writting; and re-writting what I re-write. But I'm writting it, and I'm pleased with that. The goal is still farway, but I'm on my way.
I immersed myself, once again, in a George R. R. Martin book. "A clash of kings" this time. That is a total monster, I have to say; any book beyond the 800 pages it's not a book anymore. That's a mythological monster threatening you to keep you awake.
But I love GoT, so I gave in.
Oh! I almost forget it. I'm gonna start a career tomorrow.
I'm gonna study literature, because I wanna be a professional writer; and I don't want to be a fool when a publisher ask me: Do you have any experience or even have study before you write this book? I just can imagine my face like: o.O
So, as I studied to write scripts, I'm gonna make myself sure that I'm totally capable of writing a book. A book worthy to be publish.

Basically, I really had succes putting my stuff in order; and I want to continue like this. The only thing left in my list was this little space. My blog.
From now on, I'm gonna be here more often. Sharing with you all my crazy frames.

See you later,
Jhonny.